A few days ago, Nick Cafardo of the Boston Globe speculated on the curious (to him) fact that Kyle Lohse hasn't signed yet, concluding, "The Mariners, Tigers, Orioles, Royals, Twins, Brewers, Pirates, and Rockies are all potential spots."

Now, one can see where an outsider might get the idea that Lohse would be a good fit with the Twins. They've made no secret this offseason that they are looking to add quality starting pitching, and Lohse, odd as it may seem, has become a very good starting pitcher. One can assume that his value is quite low, this far into the offseason -- it can't be a coincidence that all the teams Cafardo lists save perhaps the Tigers tend to be bargain-hunters -- and that one of those teams should be taking a flyer on him at the current, presumably suppressed rate.

On the other hand, anyone who's been a Twins fan for more than half a decade is likely to know instantly that it's not going to happen. Lohse spent parts of six seasons with the Twins, some pretty good, some bad, and one average-ish, and for the final five of those seasons, his manager was the same guy who will manage the team on opening day 2013. In late 2005, Lohse took a baseball bat to Gardenhire's office door after being pulled early from a game. The two reportedly "settled their differences," but it wasn't Lohse's only known attitude issue during his time in Minnesota, and he lasted only 22 more mostly terrible games (with only eight of them starts) in 2006 before being shipped out for a minor leaguer who failed to rise as far as Triple-A.