A nefarious conspiracy is clearly underway against the Royals. After a record-setting hot start to spring training, Major League Baseball corporate offices began taking unprecedented action to stymie the Royals success.

It begin on Friday morning when the Royals were notified that their team was being split up for Friday's games. "It's unheard of," said an unnamed Royals official. "You can't just split a team in half to take on two other major league teams."

The official reason given to the Royals for this unprecedented action was that another team called in sick and the Royals needed to cover the hole. However, sources within Major League offices indicated a growing concern that the Royals were getting "uppity" after their 11-1-1 start and needed to be taken down a notch or two.